Being Blunt | Aronil

Being Blunt

My Honest Opinion 14 July 2008 | Comments

Last week I wrote about how it’s a been a little tough in getting the time to blog cause i was so stressed out. One of the topics i had mention in , was on whether one should be blunt or not?

Sometimes you are stuck in a sticky situation with people, where you just don’t know what to do. Like for example say someone has bad BO or if someone has bad breath. Will you tell them that they have got those smelly things going on for them?

Or let me give another example… You know those people who audition for So You Think You Can Dance or American Idol? They sound atrocious but they insist people have told them they are good? Why weren’t they told from the very beginning that they just can’t cut it, before having to hear it on international television by a panel of harsh judges?

Or if say i went for a show, and I felt that it was bad… should i tell them after the show that is was bad? Or I shall be the supportive friend and say “Hey great job, it was really good!!” Where do you draw the line on being blunt?

Different situations will cause me to react differently and even more so it depends on who I’m saying my direct statement too. I can be blunt at times and I admire the people who are really blunt, daring enough to say the truth to people even though they don’t wish to hear it.

I guess that sometimes, when it comes to giving an answer at face value you don’t wish to offend the other party in the process. It’s especially hard when it comes to friends.. close friends… i’d say is a different thing altogether. With friends /acquaintances.. you are not yet at the level where it’s alright to make snide remarks or direct statements which you know they will not take to heart.

Close friends, would permit you to be more direct, where as a friend I would tell you the truth of the matter. They will tell you if something is terrible because they don’t want you to feel the repercussions of the what the future could be. They will tell you if you have bad breath because hey you don’t want other people to be like going ‘ooh gosh don’t go near him… he stinks!’ They will tell you if something doesn’t seem right cause they don’t want you hurt. They will tell you when something you do is stupid because they don’t want you to be given the weird look by others.

For me would I choose to be blunt? Yeah, I’d rather be. It is not because I want or intend to put people down but where I’m really truthful in terms of telling people my honest opinion, it’s cause I bother. If not why would I waste my breath, my thoughts, my saliva and my energy to even tell a person something is off. I cherish the people who will give me their honest opinions even if it is a blow to the ego, but at least I know the truth. I would rather hear something like that than here a lie.

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  • dreamerinreality
    it's based on the situation. if you tell a lie to comfort the person, it might actually hurt them even more, like, let them being over confident. im those who are blunt. the truth hurts, but it helps.
  • speakindoodles
    I'd be blunt, but not to sensitive people. In fact, I rather have people be blunt with me so I get to be in touch with reality. No more being stuck in la-la land!
  • The Great Swifty
    It's quite a different experience for me. Considering that my harshest critics had often been my family and friends. Heck, when I first showed my CHICKEN RICE MYSTERY to my parents, responses were so lukewarm that I wondered whether I really misjudged the film and had created an abomination. (Of course, mom wasn't too happy with the tale cos of the whole 'mom couldn't cook thing' in the story wasn't... entirely fictional ;) ) In fact, because most ppl I showed the film to at first were ppl I knew so well and were so relentless in their criticisms that it was a little worrying for me. (It's not that I don't have faith in my works, in fact, it's always the contrary. Just that I'm often self-critical because, ah, I'm anal and I'm a perfectionist, to think that I've created something mediocre would've been too much for my ego to handle) Winning the BMW Shorties awards was genuinely a surprise, and not one of those acted "omfg! I won, oh geee, i'm so surprised, wow, *sob like Halle Berry* I wanna thank my friends and family" moments you often see in awards show. Maybe it's better to surround yourself with your harshest critics. Anyway, not really a daily visitor of yours (although we really seem to have numerous mutual friends: Grace, Eunice, Nicole etc.) But was suddenly prompted to visit you after stumbling upon Fikri's short film just now. :D (the one with the sad girl and Edgar)
  • The Great Swifty
    (Crap, I didn't know that after pressing SUBMIT COMMENT, I still need to press POST REPLY to have my comment displayed. God, now I have to rewrite this really long comment I thought I have submitted just now) Yeah, often when I've watched something lackluster from a filmmaker, during a public screening or a film festival, I often hear his supportive family/ friends/ entourage praising him. There are times when I wondered whether they are being truthful or not. I guess being so close to the creator, it's really hard to take a neutral stance or maintain an objective perspective over the particular creation. Yet by praising him so blindly might not do him any favour because he'll end up really believing he's THAT good. As much as I wanted to be THAT guy who's being honest, giving constructive criticism and being tactful are different things. Criticizing his film in his face at a public event, in front of everyone's face, will make me look like an asshole. So if I have to be honest, same like you, I only do it with 1) filmmakers I know well 2) they really asked me to be frank and pull no punches. I remember watching a film at a film fest in Chile last year and struggled for a response when asked about my opinion. I didn't like the film (I thought it was, technically, ah, not a good film), but the first-time filmmaker was nice and obviously passionate about his project, his family was there too (and they were really nice to me as well!), so the our exchange ended up like this: Him: what do you think of my film? Me: Er, ah, the acting was really intense. The part where they screamed at each other in the end. Whoa. And the slap seemed so real! Him: It IS real! And the conversation veered towards the slap, and his cast members' method acting. But normally, it's common knowledge that when you ask for an opinion about your film (especially in a film festival), and their reply focuses not on the film as a whole, but on other aspects ("the actress is so beautiful" "the music is nice" "the editing is good" "the cinematography is eye-candy" "i like the concept/idea/premise"), you know that person didn't like your film. ;) I tried to be more honest and even more tactful when I met a British filmmaker in Hong Kong (who just made his first film in HK). He gave me a DVD screener which I watched few weeks later (after I moved to Tokyo). The film was... ahem, problematic. I decided to be honest since he did ask me to write to him. Unfortunately, my painstakingly-written critique (I was still being nice, saying things like "I can see this is a passion project, it feels very personal blah blah... BUT... ) was never replied to. I never heard from him again.
  • aronil
    That was a very well done comment, sorry that you had to wonder whether it actually managed to get sent to me or not. I feel your dilemma when it comes to giving of constructive criticism especially to me people who have been nice to you. Even i myself wouldn't know if i would be stepping on the wrong shoes if i mentioned a negative comment even though it is suppose to be constructive. Not everyone can take it well, we have to be able to sorta discern for ourselves whether what we are about to say can be accepted and not give the other person a nasty taste in their mouth. A further complication is that we of course don't want to give a bad impression. Sorry to hear that the British filmmaker never got back to you. Either he didn't actually like the comments or maybe he just got to buys. One can never tell. I remember I performed something for a stage show at KLpac and there was one person out of the entire audience that gave me constructive feedback. The good part though was that i wanted to learn how to improve and his feedback was much appreciated. I think we shouldn't be afraid to voice out something that really is reality sometimes. This is in reference to when people want an honest opinion about a piece of work. :)
  • Swifty
    testing
  • Swifty
    Yeah, often when I've watched something lackluster from a filmmaker, during a public screening or a film festival, I often hear his supportive family/ friends/ entourage praising him. There are times when I wondered whether they are being truthful or not. I guess being so close to the creator, it's really hard to take a neutral stance or maintain an objective perspective over the particular creation. Yet by praising him so blindly might not do him any favour because he'll end up really believing he's that damned good. Normally I wanted to be THAT guy who points out the flaws of the film. But of course, being tactful and giving constructive criticism are different things. Dissing his film in his face at a public event would've made me look like an asshole. Thus I end up only giving my frank thoughts if 1) I know the filmmaker well enough 2) he really wanted me to be frank and pull no punches I remember when I watched something at the film fest in Chile last year and when asked about my opinion, I struggled for an answer. It wasn't a film I liked (and in my opinion, not really a good film), but the filmmaker was a really nice guy, and he had his entire family with him then (who were really nice to me too), and the conversation ended up like this: Him: What do you think of the film? Me: Ah. The acting is really intense. Especially the part where they screamed at each other in the end. And, man, the slap seemed so real! Him: It IS real! And the conversation veers off to the slap, and the actors' method acting. Of course, I heard that it's common knowledge that when you ask someone at a film fest what they think of your film, and instead of commenting on the film as a whole, they focus on one aspect ("the gal's acting was good", "the music was awesome", "nice editing", "oh, i think the idea's nice"), there's a 90% they didn't like your film. I maintained even more tact when I met this first-time British filmmaker in Hong Kong this year (who made a film at the country and even had some familiar actors in it). He gave me a DVD screener, told me to write to him and tell me what I thought. I said sure. And watched it possibly a few weeks later (after I moved to Tokyo). Unfortunately, the painstakingly-written critique I wrote of his film (I was still really nice, going with "yes, I can see that this is a very personal project blah blah BUT...") that I emailed to him was never replied to. I never heard from him again.
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