This is not something I’m feeling now and I’m not getting emo. I just felt like writing something on the things that break a heart. My heart in particular and the situations when they have been broken.

1. The day I found out that I had to put my dog to sleep. I had to swipe the credit card which was to pay for him being put down. I had just gotten back from Penang that day and the first thing I had to do was head down to the vet, because everyone else was busy that day. My aunt had picked me up from the LRT and i settled the bill. Was pretty bad.. i didn’t think that it would’ve shook me up that much, since I had already known that he had to go to sleep. I didn’t hit me till i got to the vet, that he was gone. It’s a terrible feeling, to instantly know at that moment you lost something… even more so that it was a life. May not have been a person, but it was still a life..
2. The first time, I heard someone swear at me F*** Y**, and it is someone very close to me. Till this day, the memory of it is still in my head and I can still envision how the words were uttered at me. It can bring a tear to my eye, for it really did hurt me.
3. The occasions when i had some really bad arguments with my other half. They were really very bad and it was a bad pow wow. Words that that weren’t meant were exchanged, as a defense mechanism. I thought there was a sure break from there, from the way we both stormed away from one another. Calls were refused..this was all in a day by the way. Fights like these really are a pain…
4. The times, that I lose my temper and I end up going into a real tantrum with the people I’m close to. It is at those times, that I really hate myself for losing it. Of late I have been losing it and I don’t know why.. maybe it’s the lack of sleep, but i’ve been getting terribly irritated. When I snap, that’s when my heart breaks because I know I can look like a lil monster. When i start to be that monster, I know i’m letting not just myself down but the people whom i care about as well and it stabs me in the heart.

   Related with number 3..4 is also one of those things, which I know that is just not appealing to God’s eyes and that I’m behaving in a way which is unbecoming. The thought that I know this breaks God’s heart breaks mine directly.

5. ……

   I just realised… I don’t have a fifth thing that breaks my heart… and I want to keep it that way..

Ok I’m done with my “emo” post for today.