I ain’t no writer…But I sure hope that I am brave..

What I’m doing is tough…

Tough on my mind,
Tough on my heart,
Tough on my confidence,
Tough on my sanity….

Rejection is a painful thing, and it usually comes when you’re in a line that you are competing with tons of other people. Other people who may very well be better, prettier, more confident, have personality, the body, the experience. It’s a torturous labour to want to try to do something like this. You almost wonder why it is that those people who have the passion for the arts sometimes turn ‘cuckoo’ a bit, or maybe even go into a deep depression that for some may be hard to come out of.

Why do I do this to myself?

Why not choose something safer?

Why not choose the thing that won’t cause me anxiety and emotional pain?

…..

I suppose I do it because I want to.

I choose to because I believe that it is something more and something can happen with it. Sounds so idealistic and almost illogical. But I have the feeling something good and rewarding can come out of it.

Whatever it is I wish to really learn how to cope with the bad parts, that are not always rewarding…

“Dear God,
I pray Lord with all my might and being, that I shall learn to accept the things that come my way and the things that are just not meant to be. I pray that instead of falling into a simpe, I shall think of them instead as learning curves and hopefully I can turn the negative result into a positive one. Take away my arrogance and naivety Lord. For I know nothing, and should not claim to think that I know anything at all. I pray for nothing more than to be an open student, always learning and willing to take in, the things that can help me to really grow. I pray Lord that you will guide me and let my heart and head be at peace…

Amen.”