Do we really have enough time in our lives? Ever since I got into a relationship and I quit my ’stable’ job. I have had loads of questions popping into my head. For example if i really did go ahead to try and pursue this.. will I make it? Will I be able to sustain myself? This is just me I’m talking about what bout my partner? What would he think if he was the more stable bread maker… and I wasn’t. But only am able to fend myself just so I can survive.

If I freelance will it help me at all? If got a real job.. would I be able to sustain my passion for the arts, entertaining people while I suffer the life of a normal desk job (I’m not being insulting here) ?

I can’t have everything I know and right now I’m struggling and it’s tough. And I hate it on one hand, cause the reality is…. I don’t have enough cash. I don’t have the cash to want to get my own place, I don’t have the cash to try out for education to help me in this. I also don’t have the cash to suddenly go to another country and try out.

I’m bummed out.

If I was alone or single maybe it won’t be so bad. But at the same time I can’t help thinking of my ‘family future’. You know for a woman, the years are so short. There is so much we want to do and at times the opportunities don’t come. Or when they do it’s not fast or early enough.

Worse still, I would like to think that I can have kids at younger age. Considering that I know I’m on the bigger side of the scale. Which means I already have issues trying to lose weight. I’ve seen even the skinniest of people pile on the pounds when they get pregnant. Oh my gosh!! And it doesn’t help when you know you have a person who is staying with you who will tell say to you “I hope you won’t become like that”. That in reference to somebody who is really really big and obese and having a weight problem…

I’m having those moments where i could be over thinking.