Bro or Gurl

By On · 8 Comments · In Uncategorized
There’s a coined phrase which is the stupid ‘Bro before ho’s code”. It’s a silly slang where, brotherhood / sisterhood is stronger than the bond between a couple trying to work make a relationship happen. It’s not a carved in stone rule.. but I thought it’d be a nice thing to start my introduction for this post.  When I was in high school I went for tuitions all over the place. One day, I was just walking into the house of my BM tuition. Just walking mind you and one of the other girls looked at me. She then said to me ‘Hey Lin, do you want to like beat up somebody or something?”…. Huh… I was just walking. Nothing else. That didn’t bother me very much for a number of years, until yesterday. My dad had always mentioned that I walked like a guy. That still didn’t bother me, cause I couldn’t care. I wore girly clothes, I could still be girly at times…  Then yesterday I got a note from my director for mo cap that I had to lessen the machoness in my movements… That got me thinking.  I never bothered that I didn’t have a relaitonship for 5 years, during the period i was in my last years of high school into my college days. Sure some my say that that is the period you get all the relationships and experiment… whatever. Well i was single during that period. So what. But after the “machoness note”, i wondered if the reason why all the guys I’ve been friends with or just knew… always saw me as another bro and never a girl.  It’s a silly thought, but I need to get it off my chest. As young girl growing up, I was never the slim and slender thing that some or most girls are fortunate to be. The mind set I had created for myself was – ok.. I can’t be slim or skinny like some twigs in the magazines (no offense to my friends who are skinny), then I’d rather be muscular. I’m in a reasonable shape now. Can be better but not fantastic as how Mister G would say to me….thanks I feel real encouraged. :P That was mindset number one. Then i had another thought, if i acted like one of the guys – be interested in some stupid computer games, certain sports and maybe a car talk or two – would be a good chance to have a conversation with them. I can say that sure they managed to garner some conversations… Then as the years progressed, I noticed that guys always tell me the guys stuff. I’d be literally treated almost like one of the bros. Some i’m not saying all, I’m just saying to some fo the people I know.  Honestly the whole thing is silly. Because of those things (in my opinion) I’m seen as the sporty girl. Never just a girl. Half the time my guy friends joke that they’ve never seen me in a girly moment. And when i do have a girly moment it’s always bimbo.  It’s just upsetting and it hurts. Cause on one hand i realise the faults here, and I’m pissed off at the times when I here how males are always keen on having a girl thats soft, docile and cutesie wutesie. I’m just fed up! I’d almost think that I’m too tough on the outside for the guy I’m with. You know how in a relationship the guy always wants to protect the girl. In the end I know I will not get that feeling that I can be protected because I’d rather protect myself. I’d almost think the only way i’d get protected is to have a guy who is way taller than me and double my size in terms of muscle mass. The i’d look super small and maybe only then I’d be considered a girl. It’s a very round about thought process I’m having here. And no one would get it. Because no one is in the between. It’s that feeling of neither here nor there. It’s a sucky feeling. Cause you don’t feel you belong. It is said humans feel most uncomfortable when they aren’t in control. That is why there is a need to categorise everything. In naming something, you have a control over it cause not you know how to react to something, deal with it… whatever. I feel like I don’t have that knowledge sometimes…
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  • http://www.teddy-o-ted.com teddY

    Ah, guys and their illusions of a perfect girlfriend, shaped by modern, unreal standards of perfect beauty :( there's nothing wrong of wishing to be more muscular instead of slim and slender – there's no such thing called a weaker sex, a stronger sex; a submissive one, and a dominant one. We're taught since young to adhere closely to our gender roles because that's the social norm, but who have the right to tell us what to do, and who sets the 'norm' anyway?Some MCP (male chauvinist pigs) will want a sweet, weak girl because he'll be the one ordering her around and be the one who gives her the neccessary protection. And because of the same thing, women in the past find it so hard to go higher ranks, be the breadwinner of the society and etc.There's no such thing called a perfect girl. Neither there's something called plain jane. Everyone is a unique blend of emotions, experiences and thoughts. Just be yourself, and stay happy :) take care!p/s: I find it weird to be bashing all the MCPs out there when I'm a guy myself. But I have respect for all kinds of people :) isn't diversity that defines our existence? If everyone looks like, then we're nothing different than a group of amoeba.

  • http://yapthomas.com tom

    Just like teddy said, some MCP would want that kinda girl. I think, it's sad and we are not just helping them, girls, to improve in society.The females should be given the similar advantages of males in the society. The world is changing, so do our mentality.

  • http://blog.kesterize.com Kester

    Hey Lin, TedY, Tom… Allow me to share a though yea. Not all protective guys are MCPs. By protective, I mean a broader general moderate kind – and more the 'physically/materially protect from threats' priority. I honestly think there are some who feel the need to protect, NOT because they can or want to portray and exercise superiority and ego and such, but maybe… it's the only thing they know how to do – naturally and willfully. Think about it… if they know not how to show love, care, share and commit in that deeper aspects of emotional interpersonal relations and communication and what nots – the ONLY common denominator amongst guys would be their innate desire and 'instinct' to want to care (protect) their partners. It's a natural thing. It's not sad… It's, for lack of a better word (but aptly so) – the sweet-er thing to do. I think, at least. It's their lack of, or imperfection in other forms of care, that intensifies their need to assert the protective 'aura'. Contrary, I don't think it's 'care' to want to protect to earn a domineering status: it's more like they do this, because they want to earn love in return/acceptance. Which makes them feel more 'appreciated' in the only role they should know how to do. The idea I hope, is that the partners' appreciation of this – should only lead on as an impetus for guys to want to master other forms and lessen protectiveness to a moderate degree. They cannot proceed until there is that state of acknowledgment. Of course, the irony is that too much of any form is suffocation. So, we guys can only protect so-much. Beyond that, is a need to tap into our inner emotive qualities and connect in a level more reciprocal for a girl to accept. Balance? All is still well. In a nutshell, the eventual acceptance of the guy's natural role to protect – equals a guys lessening of worrying about the girl, and commit to other forms of care. And when they protect lesser, then I suppose it's good to have a girl who can protect herself. Case in point… imagine this; usually when a girl cannot protect herself, tis when the guy tends to step up to be the more protective/possessive kind. So it's cool when the girl can protect herself (like u Lin) – that's when his preoccupation about worrying about her lessens and he can now wade in a pool of the other forms of care. But it takes that initial revelation/appreciation of the male need to protect, whether or not he has the size for it (it's a mental state of being for a guy to protect) – before he can be more easily & readily express himself in other forms of care/love.

  • http://aronil.com linoralow

    Hey teddY, i appreciate the thoughts shared. I find it interesting how you and Kester have taken interest in the protection part of the post. Actually when i wrote this post, I was feeling a bit disheartened because of my tomboyish behaviour at times. It's a complicated discussion but how another friend of mine told me it is another way off standing out. I suppose so. In history it's always been that way, where the males have been the protectors of the females. I don't entire blame some MCPs though since they've been brought up in that manner. With all the media of the perfect man, perfect woman. Kinda hard to keep the thoughts of what is 'perfect' out of ones head when you have it being bashed into your conscience ever once in a while.All the same thanks for your comment teddY. and yeah i'll find some way to be happy.. hahaha through my blogging :P

  • http://aronil.com linoralow

    You have a point tom in stating that it doesn't help girls improve in society. Not all maybe some who are affected. Affected to the point where they become to conscious about their very being and become paranoid. Females are getting the advantages, but it's hard to break an ideology.

  • http://aronil.com linoralow

    Ahh Kester hehe. I would not have expected a lesser comment from you than that :P What you shared in your first paragraphs felt very much an explanation of the primal being of us as humans. And I do agree with it. It's those things that some do not know how to share but in behaving like the 'protective' one. However I feel like as thought that primal desire has been mixed with the confusion of what a female should be. Granted being protected is nice. But it's to a point where some of the MCPs may think, that they need some docile girl to show their manliness. And you are also right in saying that the guy would want the girl to appreciate it. Likewise can I also say that us girls do a lot to make ourselves look good for the guys. Why can't the guy appreciate that?… I should create a new topic by itself, it's such a chicken and egg situation. But you have point here, if both sides can appreciate one another… especially in this day an age. Maybe then there won't be arguments such as why does a guy or girl behave the way they do.

  • http://www.teddy-o-ted.com teddY

    Whoops my bad. I didn't mean to say that every guy who wants to protect a girl are MCPs, sorry if that was the message I appeared to be sending out :P there's nothing wrong with protecting a girl, but I know some guys who've gone a step too far when it comes to gender roles. In the end, they'll end up more like sexist than gentlemen… now, that's a fine line of difference, isn't it?I love to see a relationship of mutual understanding and respect :)

  • http://blog.kesterize.com Kester

    Hey Ted, no need for sorry =)Yea it'll be good to have mutual understanding and respect. Lin points out too, how we need to appreciate that girls want to look nice too.Yea, Lin it'll be nice to have lesser arguments, won't it! :) … but for reasons-unbeknoweth to us, it will always exist to some degree. You know what I'd like to see… for arguments to be made into discussions instead. Healthy ones. That at the end of discussions, you know a little more than what you knew before, and hopefully that'll help both parties live to find some middle ground, or give room for practical ideals, or other such motions… but always ending with a hug, and a laugh or a prod/poke gesture or a smile pondering about how creative God makes us beings. Then go share a cuppa ice-cream. That'll be nice =) haha. But I'm sure it's possible sometimes.And the world goes 'O well'. 'C'est la vie'. and Zendagi Migzara… Life goes on. =)